Sorry I haven't been on, I have no computer at the moment, I'm using a friends right now.

I miss everyone, especialy my special lady here
I'm slowly getting into the swing of things, I got a new drawing ready but no scanner, and I'm wroking on two new ones...my happy places, one of these days I'm gonna find one of them, I'll bring my family and those that mean the dearest to me. I'm gonna put some poems and some writing on here soon until I can get the real shit on here. Hope everyone has a Merry Chirstmas, I know it's not gonna be the same for me because of my brother....btw, I guess I'll say it here....

We got the results back from the aptopsy...death unkown, they couldn't tell what happened, but it rules out overdose for sure. I do remember my brother about his chest hurting and having problems...both signs of heart problems. I miss him alot.

I've been talking to different friends about different things, one of them is how I feel about my 'family' which I don't look at them as a family much anymore. Parents seperated, brother gone, other brother just lost his two wolf cubs, beautiful creatures.

Ok, on to other shit, remember those assholes I told ya'll about awhile back, took care of them, NO, THEY'RE NOT DEAD, I just did my job as a Norbit, Nypho, anime obbsessed 21 year old, and talked to some friends that worked for the city *EVIL LAUGH* It'll make them think twice before talking shit to me, but then again I expected that from some punk-ass teens that think they're all that....not after they saw how I am. If ya'll must know, ask.

I hope it snows this year, I always have a peaceful state of mind when it does. And ya'll will see something similar to that soon.

I can't believe my subscribtion on here is over all ready. Anyhow, little update

I'm doing alot better now, sorry I haven't posted new stuff yet, I've been busy, I living out of my house for alittle on my dad's land (80 acers of nothing but trees, grass and rocks).

I'm alittle pissed, cause I'm still having drawing block, I have an idea on some stuff, but I'm thinking of doing some animated to real-life potraits (ala sin city or 300)
My mom picked out my brothers head stone, haven't got to see it yet, but I'm gonna go by his site next time I go over there.

btw, I found my song, Jefferson Airplane: White Rabbit. When you hear the song, think of me.

Halloween's coming up, I gotta do something for this year, but what? What could I possibly come up with, who knows, I don't.

Other than that, there ain't much I'm doing. Hopefully there be something meaningful to put on here again.

til next time gang

with avengence

I'm slowly gonna try to get back into the swing of my art.

I'm not really talking to tabby much anymore, only one that really is considered trust-worth (in my town) is britt, and she's back in stillwater.

I'm swearing off dating, no one in my life anymore, not since my last ex two-timed me, *sighs* She nothing but a loser to me anymore, if she wants pity, she can get from someone else.

Next week, I'm gonna get ahold of britt and see if she wants to go on alittle roadtrip with me, need the company, at least I don't have to worry about her fucking me over.

Lately I've been in a vietnam craze, like I should of been born in that time period. Ah well, platoon's still a kick ass movie. It's already been a month since my brother's passing, though it doesn't feel like it, but some has been helpful, wish I could say the same with my parents. I'm thinking of moving to either OKC, Cali. or Canada.

I talked to some people at my base, if my plans don't go through, Im gonna transfer to Army, I wanna get my hands dirty. Anyway, I better go. tah tah

"Being Transgender give a whole new meaning to the phrase: GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

How's that for a random Morgan moment?

scary combination of rants and steam blowing

This has been a load of bullshit for months, parents breaking up, brothers dead, dog's dead. I feeling like I'm losing everyone I gave a damn about.

I ain't doing this anymore, I'm disapearring from ya, don't know how long, and frankly ain't thinking much on it.

People telling me it's ok, it's ok. Why is it I hear all the time it's not gonna get any better, why do I feel like this world is crashin down on everyone, and why do I have this thing in the back of my head, telling me I should be the one in my brothers coffin?

I've been too worry about love and not worried enough about my own life. Telling myself I need someone beside me, when in the end I don't, I see people, man and woman living singles life's so why don't I? Maybe that's why my brother wasn't serious with alot of the girls he was with....I need to focus on my own ass, screw relationships and love. Regrets, that's all I remember anymore, where did my acomplishments go?

I'm taking off like I said, I'm only gonna contact a few people I believe I can still trust, I'm hoping I'm only feeling this way is cause of my brother's death. Blood-shot eyes and white knuckles aren't a normal thing for me.

farewell

June and July of 07 will forever go down to as the worst months in my life...

It's been awhile since I made a new journal, some might not like what I've got to say.

Back in Jun, my parents were fighting (it's something that's been going on for years), it got worse one night, to the point where I had to call the cops. It may not have been the best thing to do, but I was tired of the fighting. Anyway, my dad's no longer living at our house. They're gonna go through a divorce.

Next part, my dog kimberly, I've had her for years, around 13-15 years, she's not doing too good, and she's deaf now too. My family's talked about putting her down, i told them NO, she's my dog....I....I should be the one to do it, my dog, my responsibility. I haven't figured out when I'm gonna do it, I wish I had someone with it, cause I know Im gonna be hurting afterwards

But that's not exactly the worst thing to happen...



July 22 2007
I'm was coming back from my drill for the military, I was about 3-5 miles from okmulgee then I got a call from my mom. She asked me where I was, I told her and she asked if I was coming home, she said something happened. I asked what but she wouldn't say. I was afraid my dad may have done something ( like I said, they've been going through a divorce), when I got home, I saw a bunch of cars outside my house, and family members everywhere.

My dad said there wasn't enough room to park so to move around back, after that, he told me...

My oldest brother, Brian Lee Sweat, past away sometime around 3 that afternoon, then he grasp me in tears, I didn't cry, I was...in shock, I would of thought he was joking if I didn't see everyone there. They have my brother at St. Francis now for a aptopsy. I called some of my friends about it. It made me feel weird that everyone was crying but me at first, but it hit me alittle later on the phone when I was talking to Kelsie (one of my good friends in Missouri)....one of the rare moments I didn't just shead a tear, but fell down in a shower of my own tears.

They said my brother may have died from a heart attack.

I'm gonna do something special for my brother, I was thinking for singing his favorite song (Pink Fyold's Wish you were here), or do what my brother he wanted to happen, have someone put some pot in his coffin, hehe. I don't know, I haven't decided.

I might not be on for a little, but if I seem alittle distant, you'll know why, I'll try to keep my game face on.

love you bro, where ever you are...

In loving memory of Brian Lee Sweat
July 22 2007...